I am not by nature a solitary animal. After Derek died, I used to feel guilty about being lonely, or not guilty exactly, but just being cross with myself about not coping. Now I don't feel guilty any more, because I feel that man is by his nature a social animal, and anyway, needing to be with people some of the time is really just how I am.
The difficulty of being without a partner is that you don't have a built-in social life and company, so you need to provide it. This can involve a great deal of effort and a certain amount of juggling - you end up with a surfeit at some times and great empty spaces at others. You can hardly refuse someone on the grounds that you have too much company at that particular point in time.
Anyway, with my stay in France I knew that I had company at the beginning of the stay, and then a long period at the end when I would have a full house. But there was a period in the middle lasting three weeks when I would be largely on my own. It would necessitate either self sufficiency, or making efforts to get to know new people, as well as renewing acquaintance with old friends.
Jim is definitely an example of the latter, someone whom I used to meet up with sometimes on my own but mostly with other people. He belonged to a group of friends who originally met through a shared interest in art and literature and music; I was introduced to the circle by someone I met who lives in Clapham, a shy artist who invited me to come and see his etchings...
Jim is a fiercely intelligent physics graduate, who got into computers very early (he now does not have one), and made a lot of money, which enabled him to retire at 35. He divided his time between a flat in Hampstead (where I attended many parties in my 30s) and a large house in Wiltshire. In addition to being brilliant with computers (and with money) he is also deeply interested in all forms of spirituality and méditation, spending some time with Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in India.
At a certain point he began to find the sheer busyness of life in the UK too much for him, and bought a place in France, vaguely in the area of the Loire Valley (the biggest town nearby is Angers). He now has a three-bedroomed house in a rather overgrown meadow, in a tiny hamlet (these tiny hamlets form the basis of habitation in France Profonde). The house is, according both to him and to appearances, very much a typical rustic French house, having had little done to it in all the years that Jim has lived there.
When I last met with Jim in January, I was struck by his deep spiritualité, not in the sense of adherence to a formal religion, or even belief in a particular deity, but rather the ability to draw on deep resources within himself to heal past and present hurts.
I don't doubt his sincerity but I am not sure he is a model to follow - self sufficiency sometimes seems to bleed into insensitivity to others' needs, such as hunger after a long journey, and need for lunch. Anyway, judge not as they say...
I also spent a lovely day in Rennes, having lunch and visiting the art gallery, which has an interesting collection which includes some impressionists and post-impressionists. I was with Mireille, whom I had met on the choral course.
On Monday, I drove my little 'chocolate box' car down to Rennes airport to return it, and then got a taxi (paid for by the AA) to the garage which was repairing my car - which actually had just repaired it, improving on the estimated completion by about 10 days. It was a great relief to get my own car back, even though I still feel nervous behind the wheel. I think I just don't get on with gears.
On Tuesday, I went to see Pam and Bernard Juby, friends of Julie's, who also live in the Loire Valley area, but further to the west than Jim, near the town of Pouance. They love livng in Francd for nearly 19 years, and has no désire to go back to England, although they are downsizing to a smaller house in Pouance.
The Loire comprises a huge area, most of which is nowhere near the famous parts, ie Saumur, Angers, Chambourd etc. You are in an area of mainly agricultural land, with woods and the odd lake, not too dissimlar to where I am. It is pleasant, but not remarkable.
Pam, however, has a remarkable achievement in managing, as a bénévole (volunteer) the local branch library in Armaille: she manages the other volunteers, and has been responsible for collecting and cataloguing. We in the UK, at least in Buckinghamshire, are going down the volunteer route so we could well study this model as a way forward.
At the suggestion of my friend John Charles, I went along to sing at the festival of the Assumption at Pontmain, one of the Virgin's several destinations in 19th century Fran ce. The story is that in 1871, in the middle of the Franco Prussian war, with Prussian troupe storming west, and during a bitterly cold winter, the Virgin appeared to several children with a message of reassurance.
The result was the construction of a large basilica, with stained glass in all different shades of blue, and the establishment of Pontmain as a centre of pilgrimage. The mass was very well attended; it was a big outdoor affair with the altar on the steps of the basilica, thus affording me a ringside seat for the proceedings. During the singing of the Taize Magnificat, sung as a round, the congregation started clapping - happy clappy Catholic style, which I found very moving. One young black priest was obviously having to keep his limbs in check, because he wanted to dance out of sheer joy! Whilst there are many ways in which religion can be harmful, to see people exhibiting genuine happiness is very life enhancing.
That day was a genuinely happy and blessed day, which ended up with John and John Charles. It just happens from time to time in life that one meets up with people with whom one knows one is going to be friends - like the Harrises whom Sandy and I met in Sicily - and John and John Charles are definitely in that category. You never seem to run out of things to talk about, or common interests or experiences.
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